Lithin seděla ve staré zaplivané hospodě, která byla naprosto prázdná až na vousatého trpaslíka, evidentně místního čišníka, jehož vousy sahaly až na podlahu.

Účinný systém zametání, pomyslela si Lithin. Na další duchaplné úvahy nebyl čas - dveře se rozletěly a dovnitř vešla draeneika, která nebyla Lithin neznámá.

"Ahoj Kodamo," pozdravila.

"Ahoj," odpověděla jí přítelkyně a mávla na trpaslíka, aby jí donesl medovinu. "Není čas na zbytečné řeči. Našla jsem tenhle svitek - a obávám se, že ho našlo mnoho dalších lidí. Jak vidíš, je napsaný ve starodávném písmu, které se mi už podařilo rozluštit." Odkašlala si. "Dobře, ne mně, ale na tom teď nezáleží."

Korektní jako vždy, usmála se Lithin, ale dál poslouchala.

"Musíme se vypravit kus za Dun Morogh, do Loch Modanu. A to co nejrychleji. Tam u jezera je poklad a přece nechceme, aby ho našel někdo jiný dřív."

"Poklad? Doufám, že to nebudou dřevěné figurky jako posledně. Tenhle styl pokladů mě už moc nebere," dodala Lithin a pokrčila obočí.

"Ne, tohle je opravdový a zásadní poklad. Mám informaci, že jeho obsah zajímá jakousi malou gnomku, která je o pár tisíc let mladší než my," ušklíbla se Kodama. "A možná za něj i zaplatí."

Tohle Lithin zaujalo. Napřímila se a řekla s úsměvem: "Tak abychom šly, ne? Nechceme přece, aby tam byl někdo dřív."

---

Obě seskočily z draka hned za vesnicí a dál se vydaly po vlastních, aby nebyly tak nápadné. To byl ovšem špatný předpoklad - vidět tyhle nelétat někam na draku, to bylo podezřelé. Podle popisu ze svitku čekaly za každým stromem jedovaté pavouky a zloděje, ale všude kolem jen v trávě poskakovaly malinké žabky. Když se dostatečné pokochaly nad těmi roztomilými tvorečky, vydaly se už zcela vážně na místo, které označoval svitek. Po chvíli prodírání se nedalekým lesem našly. Byla to malá truhla se zámkem, krásně vyřezávaná.

"Už jen za tu truhlu bychom mohly dostat pěkné peníze. Znám jednu archeoložku, která -"

Zbytek výpovědi se ztratil ve výbuchu. Kodama seslala velkou kouli z tajemné energie na truhlu v domnění, že ji to otevře. Truhla vyletěla dva metry do výše a pak spadla zpátky, neporušená.

"Ach, vy mágové," mávla rukou Lithin. "Na tohle je potřeba hrubá síla."

Vylepšila si obě sekery silou ohně a vzduchu, rozmáchla se. Síla, která by rozpůlila plně vybaveného válečníka, s truhlou ani nepohnula. Lithin se zahanbeně stáhla.

"Ach, vy šamani, pořád jen násilí. Je to vůbec draeneiské?" zavrtěla hlavou Kodama. A pak si vzpomněla. Vytáhla znovu svitek a našla v něm, co potřebovala.

"A vy zapomínaví mágové - vždyť je tam napsané, jak to otevřít!" zakroutila hlavou Lithin.

"A vy sebestřední šamani, kteří chyby vidíte jen v druhých," odpověděla uraženě Kodama.

"A vy mágové..." pokračovala Lithin a Kodama jí odpovídala ve stejném duchu. Celou cestu až do Gnomereganu a možná ještě dalších pár tisíc let.

Strange thing that BMWC was not THE event of the year anymore. I found myself this time just sitting outside, at night looking to the stars, during days smoking so much my lungs are in pain. The mixture of things that didn't actually happen and mixture of my confused feelings seem unusual.

Fine five days in the nature. Fine, somehow socially empty but filled with a very strong connection to nature.

One evening I just couldn't stand talking about "how's somebody great or embarrassing oneself" (a very typical topic in the pagan world, believe me) and went out. It was the only short time when the clouds were ripped by an invisible werewolf and the stars were shining as never before. Or maybe I just forgot while living in the big city what it actually is, such a common thing as starry heavens. I was watching, holding my breath. A very sudden belief that somewhere "there" is a planet where other human-like beings live. Earth was just a drop of water in the ocean that lives for ever, on and on, tho' we'd be long dead. Fascinating.

For these whiles of complete astonishment, there were hours of boredom or rather waiting for... who knows? Whatever it was, it didn't came. I found not a great party of people (and that was what I was seeking for) but instead, I could spend whole five days in myself, with myself and nature. My soul and the soul of eternity were nearly touching each other, just a very narrow gap, narrower than an atom, was left.

I couldn't have what I wanted. I was given a gift, tho'. One that should be thanked for. And thus - thanks, universe.

Too bad no pain-killers can kill what I feel. Emotions are the most interesting thing of my inner self till the very time they get way too complicated. No whining, don't understand it wrong, I'm just trying to get the pressure out of me in any possible manner.

Options?

- Writing poems doesn't sound like a good idea as I'm not gonna spoil my poetry with these sorry and maybe even hypocritical bullshits that are turning around me (or am I turning around them?) all the time.

- Telling someone isn't... Wait who should I tell it? Anyways, I should have forgotten this option as soon as it came to my mind.

- Having been able to yell the truth to the wires and waves, I'd write it here but the chance of someone reading it or rather my reading it a few months is a way too high risk to take.

- Telling people who are considered in this emotional tidal wave. You know, I'm a coward, let's be frank, so this option doesn't work either.

- Kill all those profs who are pushing me into studying what I don't want to. (I know it's their job. But really, knowing what one wants to study is much more demanding than not knowing it. At least you have to prepare for the entrance exams, not to study for the additional Maths exams.)

Facts.

- I'm absolutely ragged inside.

- I'm so excited about future which makes it, paradoxically, much harder to carry on.

- Never believe people who live more in their inner worlds. (Which comprises me, as well.)

- Can't say I'd be depressed. I'm just full of all the stuff I'm going through. I'm flying high, knowing, one day the fall must come.

- If you've spent the time reading this, be sorry for wasting your time, as you haven't even read any gossips.

Why do I have depressions? Because my father is a looser. It tends to be the way that when you realize where the roots of your problem are, you can find the way out of it. Not in this case. Can't actually explain why.

From time to time the feeling I need a hug from someone big who can save me, emerges and - what? He's never been that grown up to be able to do this stuff. I don't blame him - I just can't find the solution. I miss the usual father-daughter "adoration" whatever it means.

I'd love to say I like you but how can I say such a thing about someone who doesn't listen to me when I talk, who doesn't understand our meetings as something more than just a filler of break between two business meetings, who has never shown me who he was.

I just felt like typing this out of me.

Sometimes I wish my classmates would disappear and I'd stay in school just with teachers. Ain't that strange? I just can't bare them from time to time - silliness or arrogance. Sometimes even mixed up together!

That is *not* normal! Or maybe it's way too normal? Can't say.

After months of plans I finally made a new journal ma_poesie which is to contain all my better poetry. It's only in Czech as I write mostly in that language - the poems I write in English are not covered in "better poetry".

All in all it seems a new breeze of inspiration has come to my life. I feel like creating - cooking, baking, writing poems, maybe even novels, reconstructing the flat (or at least making it a bit more comfortable), doing sports, playing harp and drinking piňa colada. And maybe learning how to roll a cigarette. xD

Oh god, I'm still the same nerd without close friends but who could care if something new like self-confidence appears in your life. When you trust yourself, it's much easier to create.

Edit: With this self-confidence, another feeling immersed. The feeling of being just totally unworthy piece of shit. Remembering all those people who never trusted I could succeed in real life. I mean moving to Prague without ending up as a failing, homeless drug-addict. (Though it's fact that I smoke dope more than it's appropriate. xD) Remembering all those former classmates and even some of the present classmates who I'was not worth a mere greeting to. Remembering those who told me "What? You sold your pictures? Who would ever buy them from you?!" Remembering some of my relatives who still think I'm just a nerd who's not worth mentioning. This can't make you very positive, can it?

I wonder whether this feeling is based only on my own projections or whether it's really based on the true behavioral of people surrounding me at certain times. Maybe it's much better now when I don't meet with anyone really. At least I don't appear to myself as a total goner, sweet-girl for everything or just no one.

And I'm very glad for Jacob and mom who really trust I can succed.

My Czech teacher gave me back my composition today. It was a simple, way too short story about... teachers. (How creative.) Guess what. He told me he really liked it and that I should go on with writing. Incredible. Straight after that I wrote a poem. I'm so full of words I could write from now on forever if I was that brave.

After a few days I spent out of Prague, soaking up that great caring love of my parents, I read LJs of all my friends and got totally stunned. Most of the entries are full of very precious emotions - love, fear, stress, relief. Incredible. In the wonderful way.

I just wonder weather it's brought about by my sudden sensitivity or by yours. :))

After being disgusted by local school system
... playing truant
... smoking cigarette
... realizing I haven't had taken my contraception pills for more than two days
... having refreshing bath
... playing harp for an hour

- am ready to exercise yoga.

And all that took place before this day was just an essential preparation.

Back from five-day BMWC. Drank not much but smoked 3.5 packets of cigarettes, phew. What a demanding event BMWC always is in this sense :)) My lungs are now near death but my soul is relieved and somewhat cleansed.

Strange fact about it is I didn't feel there 'home' (as I used to). This time it was more of talking, discussing things, sinking into the depths of stuff - with no feeling of being at the right place, in the right time. It just passed, changed me a bit and let go.

Things happen. :)